IPS 3531 

.fl362 
IM5 

1922 

Copy 1 



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..hat Can We Do 
With Aunt SaUy? 

BELL ELLIOTT PALMER 




PRICE 35 CENTS 



Eldridge Entertainment House 

Franklin, Ohio ss:S Denver, Colo. 

944 So. Logan Street 



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=1) 



What Can We Do With 
Aunt Sally? 



A Comedy In Two Acts 



By BELL ELLIOTT PALMER 



Author of 



'Men Not Wanted," "A Social Crisis," "Dodging an 
Heiress," "A Budget of Plays," etc. 



PRICE 35 CENTS 

Copyright 1922, Eldridge Entertainment House 



PUBLISHED BY 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE 

Franklin, Ohio Denver, Colo. 



Cast of Characters and Costumes. 



Professor Alfred Pendleton An Expert in Birdlore 

Harvey Pendleton His Sophisticated Nephew 

Mr. Everet Hasting^s Host to the Professor 

Leonard Burton Betty Hastings' Lover 

Abner Smith .... Gardener at Hastings' Summer home 

Mrs. Everet Hastings Hostess 

Aunt Sally Hastings, Herself 

Betty Hastings Sweet young Girl of about twenty 

Jean MacDonald Practical-minded Scotch maid 

Six Society Ladies .... Gushing type ; callers upon Prof. 
Time of Presentation, one hour. 

COSTUMES— 

Modern — all but Aunt Sally's, who insists upon the 
styles of her "own day." 

One setting only, required. 



PROPERTIES 

Furnishings for tastefully-arranged living room in 
pretty summer home. Center table with magazines, elec- 
trolier and flowers; desk in rear-left; piano, right; wick- 
er furniture, upholstered in gracefully-designed creton; 
phone-desk at left; window left-center; doors, rear and 
right-center. 

©CID 63220 






What Can We Do With Sally? 

ACT I. 
{Mrs. Hastings^ stylishly-dressed, matronly, discov- 
ered fluttering nervously about room, rearranging magcu- 
zines, adjusting shades; Mr. Hastings, light summer suit, 
reads newspaper near table; Betty, in pretty voUle, plays 
softly at piano.) 

Mrs. Hastings — (nervously) Everet, since you 
must have read that paper through three times already, 
perhaps you will be good enough to start for the Profes- 
sor. It would be fine hospitality to make him wait in our 
little countryside station. 

Mr. Hastings — (laying down paper; speaks easily) 
Now, calm yourself, mother. I have already met the 
milk train to please you, and there is but one other, due 
in fifteen minutes. It only takes five to reach the station. 

Mrs. H. — (vMh sigh) I know; but you always in- 
sist upon having engine trouble, when anyone is dying or 
the errand is very important. You should give yourself 
extra time. 

Mr. H. — (calmly) Well, I will leap out of the car, if 
it fails me, and meet him on foot„ There is plenty of 
time left for that. I do not suppose the train operators 
have run a special, even to accommodate the Great High 
Mogul of a bird specialist your club has raked up. 

Mrs. H. — (scornfully) Raked up, indeed! We had 
to fight as hard to get him as one does over a piece of 
real lace at a bargain sale. 

(Enter Jean, door-rear; speaks to Mrs. H.) Is there 
any other extras you wish done, ma'am, before I get my 
mind completely on the dinner? I ain't got much time 
left to spare. 

3 



What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 



Mrs. H. — {nervously) Has everything come, Jean? 

Jean — Nothing but the cream and ice cream and 
meat and them queer little cabbages you had me stew up 
in advance. I ain't seen the ''piece of resisters" yet or 
the lettuce for salad. 

Mrs. H. — {much flurried) I must call up Smiths 
and see v»hy the pasties and greens have not arrived. 
One would think all our provision sellers were bachelors, 
the way they imagine a hostess can get ready for a dis- 
tinguished guest at the eleventh hour. 

Mr. H. — {rising ivith big stretch; to wife) My dear, 
did you remember to tell Jean to polish the inside knobs 
and the window-latches of our attic? If the Professor 
should think we were poor housekeepers, I should die 
of mortification. 

Mrs. H. — {moving toivard phone; icily) They say 
women have no sense of humor, but thank heaven, we at 
least know when not to laugh. 

Mr. H. — {teasingly) Well, I'm responsible for the 
outhouses, at least ; so, Jean, please tell Abner to polish 
all the nails and screws in my tool chest. If the Pro- 
fessor should come across one dusty screw, it would be 
the last of me. 

Jean — (dismally) Yes, sir, I'll tell him, though if 
he is as tired in his bones as I am polishing up for that 
grand professor, I am afraid he will slip over a few — he's 
that shiftless, anyway. 

Mr. H. — (good-naturedly, as he picks up hat from 
table) Vv^hy, Jean, I thought you and Abner had about 
made up your mind to step out into the life of Double 
Blessedness. You do not think that badly of his habits, 
do you? 

Jean — {sniffing) The morning light often brings 
us more sense than we had the night before. I'm con- 
tent to stay as I am, if he's a sample of usefulness. All 
I ever see him doing is building bird houses, morning, 
noon and night. {Exit Jean, door-rear,) 



What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 5 

Mrs. H. — (wither ingly) That, I suppose, is a man's 
sense of humor : to ridicule one's wife before servants. 

Mr. H. — {drawing on auto gloves) Oh, my dear., 
nothing was farther from my thoughts ; but Jean seemed 
so downcast that I hoped a little joke wouldn't go amiss= 
I fear she did not cee the point. If she really delivers 
my message to King Abner, I'm lost — for a gardener. 

Mrs. H. — (witheringly) She will; with a little of 
her own present spite against him thrown in. Abner is 
so proud of his bird houses that he is quite sensitive 
about being expected to do much else. He will never for- 
give you. But it will serve you right if you have to dig 
your own garden a while. 

Betty — {turning on piano stool ivith laugh) I will 
help you dig, Dad, dear. I want to throw off five pounds. 
Leonard does not like chunky w^omen, you know, and I 
have been using my roadster too m.uch for my own good, 
lately. 

Mr. H. — {throwing kiss as he moves toivard door- 
right) My Eternal Comfort! And if we grow too weary 
under the unusual strain, we'll take the nice fat angles we 
turn up and go fishing. {Starts out door; bumps into 
Leonard Burton, just entering; returns inside door.) 
Why, hello, Len! Why oiT work this time of the day? 
Does the thought of the Professor make you nervous, 
too? 

Leonard — {laughing) He had entirely escaped my 
memory. Good morning, Mother-to-be; howdy, little 
sweetheart. {Crosses to Betty and takes both her hands, 
smiling doion at her.) It was such a come-out to-me day 
that I skipped my architectural work and rushed over to 
see if you v/ouldn't go on a long country drive. 

Betty — {warmly) Oh, I v/ould just love to — but — 

Mrs. H. — No, I can't possibly spare her, Len, dear. 
Everything is going wrong, and the Professor is so dis- 
tinguished, he Is probably used to a bed of roses. (Sighs) 
We must do our feeble best to make his stay endurable. 



What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 



(Moves to telephone; calls "Windsor 146"; speaks.) 
Hello — This is Mrs. Everet Hastings — What has become 
of the pasties and lettuce I ordered last evening? — A 
break-down, you say? — Well, that is certainly unfortun- 
ate, but you must get them here right away. Call a spe- 
cial messenger, if there is no other way. 

Leonard — {quickly, as she puts doivn the receiver) 
Let me drive over for them, Mrs. Hastings. My car and 
time is at your service the rest of the day. 

Mrs. H. — (relieved) Oh, if you will; and the roses 
have not come yet from Bristow's. You could help a lot 
by stopping there, too. (Looks at clock; with disraayed 
voice.) My heavens, only six minutes left in which to 
persuade Aunt Sally into that little grey gown I ordered 
for her. She will probably utterly rebel, but I will do my 
best. (Moves toward door-right.) 

Leonard — (laughing) Why do you try? Aunt 
Sally is just — Aunt Sally. She looks quaint and dear in 
the costumes she prefers. 

Mrs. H. — So quaint that I fear she will get on the 
poor Professor's nerves, and make him unfit to give his 
lecture before our club. Big men are very temperamen- 
tal, you know. (Exit door-right.) 

Betty — (laughing easily) Poor mother; she is al- 
most a wreck before our guest arrives. She owns such, 
an obstreperous family! 

LEONARD: — (slipping arm about her) When we have 
distinguished guests — we'll just have them. A soft- 
boiled egg and a cup of tea, with you as hostess, would 
make any menu fit enough for a king. 

Betty — (softly) You always say such sweet things, 
dear. I am never going to let anything worry me, so 
long as I have you. 

Leonard — I did so long to have you just to myself 
today. Can't you, at least, put on your hat and go otl 
the errands with me? 

Betty — I surely wish I could, but mother would 



What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 



have nervous prostration if I left her an instant. It is 
train time now. 

Leonard — (resignedly) Well, it wont be long be- 
fore I can claim your time legally and rightfully. My 
bridge plan went through and I have orders for three 
bungalows and an up-to-date restaurant. 

Betty — (happily) Good! I knew you were too 
brilliant not to succeed. In another six months, per- 
haps — 

Leonard — In another four. But I must rush and 
smuggle the belated goods kitchenward. (Kisses her; 
calls back from door-right.) Give my love to the Pro- 
fessor, dearest. Tell him life seems very full of joy to 
me, since I've heard of his coming. (Exit) 

(Enter Mrs. H., door-rear, speaks flurriedly) Dear, 
dear, I can not do a thing with Aunt Sally. She says she 
has no desire to pose before the Professor as other than 
her natural self; and that she prefers the styles of twen- 
ty years ago to the flapper comedies of today. (Sinks 
into chair wearily.) I tried to persuade her to take the 
bus and visit her poor brother, who might pass off any 
moment with his rheumatism; but she only laughs and 
prophesies that he will probably outlive us all, as he is 
so used to his rheumatism, after many years experience 
with it, that he would hardly know how to get along with- 
out it. Such frivolous talk for a woman of her years ! 

Betty — (soothingly) Oh, never mind, mother. Aunt 
Sally is so little and quiet the Professor may not even 
notice her. Besides, she is a dear, even if a bit eccentric. 

Mrs. H. — He might overlook her past-years' style, 
if she were not so eager to talk birds all the time. One 
would think she considered herself actual authority on 
the subject. I do hope she won't show her ignorance of 
the matter by asking some outlandish questions. 

(Honk of auto horn is heard outside; Mrs. Hastings 
springs up, looks hurriedly about room.) There they are! 
Betty, do arrange that telephone straight. My, what a 
mess your father made of his paper ! (Arranges it hur- 



What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 



riedly, adjusts a chair or two, then sinks into rocker near 
table, with fancy work, assuming an easy and smiling 
attitude.) 

(Enter door-right, Mr. Hastings tvith suitcase, fol- 
lowed by travel-stained, carelessly-dressed, elderly man, 
wearing big horn-glasses, carrying spy-glasses, books, 
pads; also young man, dressed in latest, rather flashy 
style. He carries suitcase bearing several foreign labels. 
Mrs. Hastings rises and moves forward with gracious 
smile.) 

Mr. H. — My wife, Professor Pendleton, and daugh- 
ter, Betty. {To Betty.) Professor brought" along his 
nephew to keep him company. Mr. Harvey Pendleton by 
name. 

Mrs. H. — {holding out cordial hand.) It is such a 
pleasure and honor to have you with us in our little 
country resort village. Professor Pendleton. {Extends 
hand to nephew.) And I am just ever so glad you de- 
cided to come with your uncle. There are quite a num- 
ber of charming young persons around and we will try 
to make you have a pleasant time. {Presses electric but- 
ton; Jean enters, tviping hands on apron hurriedly.) Jean, 
help Mr. Hastings carry the luggage upstairs. I think 
the gentlemen would like to go to their rooms at once, 
after such a hot, dusty trip. Luncheon will be ready as 
soon as you are. Professor Pendleton, and — Harvey. 
(Smiles at latter.) You see, I feel you are just one of 
us, already. 

Harvey — Thanks. That is very gracious of you, 
Mrs. Hastings. 

Professor P. — A touch of fresh water w^ould be very 
restful. I hope we are not putting you out, madam, ar- 
riving just in the middle of the day. 

Mrs. H. — (gushingly) Oh, not at all. It is a great 
pleasure to welcome you any moment of the day, or night. 

(Prof, bows, gathers up pile of books and pads, fol- 
lows Mr. Hastings through door-right; Jean, handling 
field glasses and trap-device gingerly, follows; Mrs. H. 



What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 9 

goes out door-rear; Harvey picks up own suitcase, but 
stops at door and comes back,) 

Harvey — (gallantly) You can't expect me to go 
right up — after meeting you, Miss Betty Hastings. 

Betty — (with flattered smile) It is very nice to 
have an outsider visit us. As soon as luncheon is over, I 
will take you for a ride in my roadster. The country is 
lovely around here, and we will stop in and visit some of 
my best friends. 

Harvey — Leave the friend part out. One does not 
like to see even rare diamonds — after gazing at a morn- 
ing star. 

Betty — (pleased with this new line of talk) How 
beautifully you put things. (Quickly.) Are you inter- 
ested in birds, too, like your noted uncle? 

Harvey — (shrugging shoulder) Not I! Nearly 
three-fourths of the world's population has gone bird- 
crazy. I am out for newer lines. (Sits on edge of table.) 
You see, I have doped out a new theory that beats 
psycho-analysis to a frazzle. Dreams do not count for 
nearly as much as those sensationalists would have us 
think. It is when we pass from the semiconscious con- 
dition of sleep into our first wakeful consciousness, that 
we get the real clues as to what we are — or should be. 
I call it the Morning Vista Thought. 

Betty— How wonderful ! But I do not quite under- 
stand. 

Harvey — (as Jean enters) Let me demonstrate with 
your maid. (In lower voice.) The more uneducated the 
subject, the more direct are the answers to questions. 
(Approaches Jean.) Miss — er — er — 

Jean— (staring at him coldly) Jean MacDonald is 
my name, young man. Do you want a drink of water? 
If such is the case, I'll show you the spigot. I am not a 
centipede and luncheon is already cooking itself into eter- 
nity. 

Betty — (reprovingly) Jean! Mr. Harvey is Pro- 
fessor Pendleton's nephew. 



10 What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 

Jean — (rebelUously) Well, I didn't say he was 
mine, Miss Betty. And your ma holds me responsible 
for this feast that's going on. I just came in to ask her 
how much longer them men are going to be washing their 
faces as — ■ 

Harvey — (laughing) Uncle will be down in a jiffy, 
Jean, and I will make quick work of my toilet; but right 
now I want to ask you a question. It won't take but a 
second. What was your first — your very first thought — 
when you awakened this morning? Can you possibly 
remember ? 

Jean — (promptly) Well, I don't know why that 
should interest you much, but while I was hunting around 
for my stocking, that Miss Betty's good-for-nothing pup 
had buried under my bed, I wished the sparrows outside 
my window would stop their eternal chattering. They 
seemed to be making fun of me, and I was in trouble 
enough. 

Harvey — (drawing pencil and pad from pocket, ex- 
citedly) Exactly. You were jealous of those birds — sub- 
consciously, because, without knowing it, you have al- 
ways wanted to sing, yourself ! 

Jean — (snappishly) Well, the world never wanted 
me to! But, if you mean to say my voice ain't any 
ter than them senseless chatterings of the sparrows, you 
are going a good deal further in plain speech than any 
other mortal ever dared. 

Harvey — (laughing again) But I do not mean that 
at all, Jean MacDonald. If you are jealous of something, 
your next thought is to get ahead of it. Your Morning 
Vista Thought proves very clearly that you were cut out 
for a big singer. It is not too late now to begin, al- 
though — 

Jean — (moving toward door-rear, scornfully) See 
here, young man, if you think you're going to lure a 
woman of my age and high moral standing into the 
wicked wiles of the stage, you've got another guess com- 
ing. (To Betty.) And don't you Jet him persuade you, 



What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? U 

either, darling, with his crinkled-candy talk. (To Hav' 
vey, just as she goes out door,) A fine singer I'd make, 
when my own brother used to pay me a quarter a week to 
stay out of our choir. He said he had a case of ruined 
nerves every time he heard me a-tryin so hard to hitch 
on somewhere with the rest of them vocalists. {Exit.) 

Harvey — {crossing to window with laugh) Whew! 
I need a breath of fresh air after so much opposition ; but 
it is all true, just the same. {Suddenly.) Why, I didn't 
notice a home for aged persons, as we drove over here, 
but the funniest old woman is parading about on your 
lawn. Looks like she had been lifted out of a chapter of 
Dickens. 

Betty — {Crosses to window, looks out; speaks 
coldly) The funniest old woman, you say. Why, she's 
only forty-five, and she is big enough to rise above the 
demands of styles. {Looks at his clothes scomfully.) 
That is my dear Aunt Sally. 

Harvey — {confused) I beg a thousand pardons. I 
surely do admire any one who does not worry over fickle, 
fleeting fashion. {Takes out pad.) By the way, such a 
mind as that must have wonderful morning vistas. I 
m.ust make a note about asking her what her first thought 
was upon awakening. {Moves nearer Betty.) Won't 
you forgive me my careless little joke? I shall be utterly 
miserable until you do. I am really awfully fond of 
Aunt Sally, already. 

Betty — {laughing) You are forgiven. I really 
can't blame you much. She does look odd — at the first 
glance. 

Harvey— And you will still take me out in your 
roadster? 

Betty — ^Why, of course! 

Harvey — {taking up suitcase) Then I will run up 
and wash before I get into serious trouble with Jean. I 
liave put it off too long now, because every moment away 
from you is that much golden time lost. 



12 W hat CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 

Betty — Don't spoil me with pretty speeches. We 
are not used to it around here. Your room is first on the 
right at head of stairs. 

(Exit Harvey door-right. Enter Aunt Sally almost 
immediately, same door. She is a little keen-eyed worn' 
an, bristling with energy; wears full-skirted dress that 
sweeps floor; puffy balance-sleeves, child's straw hat with 
depending streamer.) 

Aunt Sally — Good gracious, child! Who was that 
flaming flamingo that swept by me in the hall? Surely 
you don't call him a professor! 

Betty — That is Professor Pendleton's nephew, Har- 
vey Pendleton, whom he brought along to keep him com- 
pany. (Lays hand on aunt's arm wheedlingly.) Aunt 
Sally, do run up and put on that pretty new grey. You 
look so darling in it. 

Aunt — No; I will just freshen my face and hair a 
bit. I am going to be poking around over the lawn and 
into sheds, showing the Professor the birds, and I feel 
easier in this. 

Betty — (despairingly) But it is so odd, Aunt 
Sally, and we owe it to our distinguished guest. You 
look so young in the grey. Why, Harvey thought that — 
that you were the inmate of a home for the aged, when he 
saw you strolling over the lawn just now. 

Aunt — (indignantly) He did! Well, he is in 
greater need of a* sanitarium for his mind than I am of 
a home for the decrepit. Such manners as youth shows 
toward middle age, these days! But I am glad I do not 
have to doll up in flashlight clothes to let persons know 
I am on earth. 

(Enter Mr. Hastings, door-right, wiping forehead 
with handkerchief,) 

Mr. H. — Whew ! That suitcase weighed most a ton ! 
The Professor evidently intends to set traps for prey all 
over our lawn. And from the number of field glasses 
he's getting ready to sight on them, they will surely think 
they are surrounded by a world-wide army. 



What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 13 

Avi^T— (indignantly) He will do nothing of the 
kind around here! Abner and I have just refreshened 
the nests in all the houses, and that is excitement enough 
without having their private life molested by spies. 

Mr. H. — (laughing) Well, I guess he won't try if 
you intend to take charge, Sally. (Humorously,) Sally, 
aren't you going to curl your hair and rouge a bit for 
the distinguished Professor? 

Aunt — Not that I know of. If the birds like me this 
way — and they do — I am not going to primp up for a 
mere mortal. (Exit door-right.) 

(Enter Abner, door-rear. He wears overalls, big 
straw hat, his face red and angry.) 

Abner — (mopping forehead with red bandana, as 
he removes hat) Say, Mr. Hastings, excuse me for com- 
ing in, but I just want to say that if you ain't satisfied 
with the way I keep your tool chest, you can look out for 
another gardener right away. 

Mr. H. — (soothingly) Now, now, Abner, you know 
I think you an A-1 helper. Everything you touch looks 
spick and span. 

Abner — (a little mollified) Well, it ain't in the na- 
ture of things to go over every single nail and screw ev- 
ery single day, and yet I do — pretty much. But if you 
found a little dust on the end of one, like Jean says you 
did, that ain't no real cause for knocking — 

Mr. H. — Come now, Abner, haven't you lived long 
enough not to pay attention to what women say? There's 
a new hat in this for you, and material for the finest bird 
house you ever made and — a dollar bill. But let me go 
in to luncheon in a peaceful frame of mind. 

Abner — (moving toward door-rear) All right, sir. 
Jean is that riled up over cooking so many new dishes 
that I guess she was just seeing things in her mind. 
(Exit.) 

(Footsteps and voices heard outside door-right. En- 
ter Prof., much freshened, but wearing ill-fitting clothes; 
nephew, even more spick and span.) 



14 What CAN We Do With A.unt Sally 

Betty — Professor Pendleton, this is Aunt Sallys 
Hastings, father's sister. She is so anxious to hear your 
lecture on birds. Aunt Sally, this is Harvey Pendleton, 
the Professor's nephew. 

Aunt — (shaking hands with Prof., bows coldly to 
nephew) This is a fine place for birds, Professor. We 
have almost every variety known to temperate zones — be- 
cause we offer them so many trees and freedom from out- 
side disturbances. 

Prof. — (moves to luindow; looks out.) Your lawn 
alone, does seem to hold a thousand varieties. I am anx- 
ious to get out and see if I can locate a new one. 

Aunt — I will show you around myself. I know ev- 
ery nest and egg. Abner, our gardener, is a great bird 
lover, too. He has made many clever houses for those 
that care for architectural help. 

Mr. H. — Yes, Abner is quite an artist along that line 
to the great joy of our weeds. He is planning a new one 
this very moment. 

Prof. — I should like to watch him at his work. (To 
Aunt S.) Miss Sally Hastings — . The name sounds fam- 
iliar. Why, you were the person who wrote me the inter- 
esting notes on bird migration last fall, were you not? 

Betty — (looking over quickly from low talk with 
Harvey) Oh, no, it must have been another Miss Hast- 
ings. Aunt Sally just putters around among birds for 
her own amusement. 

Prof. — (taking small hook from pocket) Have you 
ever read this book, Miss Hastings? It is a delightful 
and authentic little story, called "Runaway Birds." It is. 
put out anonymously, but I would like very much to find 
out the name of the author and communicate with him 
or her. 

AuNT-^(cow/wse(?) Yes, IVe read it. I think it t> 
true. 

(Enter Mrs. H., door-rear; looks flurried, but as- 
sumes easy smile and tone*) 



What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 15 

Mrs. H. — Ah, you are down, Professor, and Harvey. 
Then we will go right out to luncheon. It is just ready. 

Harvey — {to Betty) Good! It will not be long now 
until we start on our drive. 

Prof. — {standing aside with other men while ladies 
start out) I hope you have not put yourself out any for 
us, Mrs. Hastings. A cup of tea and bit of toast is all I 
need for luncheon. 

Mrs. H. — {hurriedly) Oh, no, we have only simple 
meals — very simple indeed. 

Prof. — {To Aunt S.) It is such a pleasure to think 
you will be my informant this afternoon, Miss Hastings, 
in our walk about the lawn. 

Betty — (hurriedly) Oh, Aunt Sally just putters 
around among birds — but she will be glad to listen to you. 

(Exeunt all, door-rear.) 

CURTAIN 



ACT II. 

Time — Evening of next day. 

{Scene: same as Act I., ivith profusion of roses in 
evidence; shades drawn and electroliers lit. Leonard dis- 
covered pacing room/ hands in pockets, disconsolate look 
on face. Enter Jean, door-rear, carrying tray of icet 
luater.) 

Jean — Good evening to you, Mr. Len. You look like 
you was going to be hung in five minutes; but you have- 
n't suffered like some of us as has had to cook queer 
messes for a man who won't eat anything but baby food; 
as well as answering a million bells and telephones. 

Leonard — {gloomily) I have already been hanged, 
Jean; at least my heart has. Where's Betty? I can't 
even get a glimpse of her since that feather-brained 
nephew wished himself upon the scene. 



16 What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 

Jean— (more gloomily) I am sure sorry for you, 
Mr. Len; but I am afraid you*d better give up hope, for 
that fashion plate has about persuaded her to go on the 
stage. 

Leonard — (angrily) Well, I guess not! The stage, 
of all places ! Where did he get such a fool notion about 
Betty? 

Jean — (switching evening paper into order) Well, 
she told him about something he calls a morning vista, 
and he says it proves she's missed her calling by staying 
in this little place. A daddy-long-leg crawled out of her 
shoe when she first woke up this morning and she re- 
membered her mind flashed the thought that she wished 
the old daddy would move faster out of her way. That 
Harvey man says it showed she was impatient of clumsi- 
ness, and proved she would make the most graceful of 
stage dancers. 

Leonard — (scornfully) Huh! I'd hate to try for 
stage life with nothing better than a daddy-long-legs 
back of me. What does this young promoter of morning 
lights think is his own special mission in life — ^wrecking 
happy homes and hearts, I suppose. 

Jean — No, when I was fixin' the flowers this morn- 
ing, I heard him tell Miss Betty that his special stunt 
was bravery. He says every morning his first thought is 
of the big trees outside his window. He claims they are 
tall and beautiful, but he wishes they were taller. That 
means he ought to be bigger than they are and lead men 
in bravery. (Flops chair into new position.) He makes 
me that nervous, Mr. Len, with his crazy talk, that I am 
afraid to go to bed at night. But Abner says he will keep 
a good look-out from the garage window, so I can rest a 
bit for tomorrow's cyclone. Thank heaven, they leave 
on the afternoon train. 

Leonard — (fiercely) One thing is certain: that bra- 
zen man cannot snatch away from me in two days what 
it has taken me three years to win — not if I have to com- 
.mit real murder. 



What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 17 



Jea-^— (dismally) I wouldn't want to discourage 
you, Mr. Len, but there is nothing certain about love. My 
own poor brother was all dressed for his wedding, just 
to sit and wait for the taxi that was carrying his sweet- 
heart away to marry another man. 

Leon Am— (laughing for first time) You certainly 
give a fellow raw comfort, Jean. (Very soberly.) But 
something has to be done to save Betty from followmg 
this lunatic's ideas. I don't see what has come over her. 
She is usually so reliable and well-balanced. Can't you 
help me think out a plan, Jean, with that clear Scotch 
brain of yours? 

Jean— (leaning against table; thinks hard, sudden- 
ly brightening) Why don't you try out his bravery some 
way? If you could give him a good scare, I warrant you 
he would flop like cheesecloth, souzed in warm milk. 

hEONABD— (delighted) Splendid! But just how 
could we go about it? 

Jean (springing up joyously) I have it, I have it! 

The boss and missus are going to take the Professor a 
moonlight drive in a few minutes. You could mask and 
creep in on Miss Betty and that lunatic, who will be 
dawdling over the piano according to custom, and say you 
have come to kidnap one or the other of them. That it 
don't make no great difference to you, seeing as the par- 
ents of both are rich. 

Leonard— But suppose Harvey Pendleton should 
act the only fit way and offer himself. He would be a 
white elephant on my hands, for I couldn't really murder 
him. 

jEAti— (sniffing) Say, if I don't miss my count, he'll 
offer Miss Betty to you in a jiffy, and crawl under the 
sofa himself. 

Leon Amy— (laughing) All right. We will try the 
plan. Many thanks, Jean. I'll go right out now, to the 
theatrical box in the loft and choose a costume. When 
the coast is clear, signal me with a flashlight at the 



18 What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 

kitchen window. (Stops, troubled.) But, suppose the 
fright should make Betty ill? 

Jean — The stage would make her more ill. It's time 
someone took hold in earnest to save her from that luna- 
tic. 

Leonard — Come on, then. Betty must not catch me 
here. (Exeunt Leonard and Jean, door-rear, just as 
voices are heard outside door-right. Enter Betty and 
Harvey in outdoor costumes.) 

Betty — Yes, I really tremble to think what might 
have been a life failure, if you had not come in time to 
set me right. 

Harvey — (helping her off ivith her jacket with lin- 
gering touch) It is the happiest moment of my life when 
I think I have been of real assistance to you. 

Betty — (Breaks off rosebud, puts it in his lapel.) 
With this I don you my Knight of Inspiration and Brav- 
ery. 

Harvey — (touching lips to bud) I hope I shall al- 
ways be worthy of the honor. Nothing shall ever be too 
difficult or terrible for me to surmount, with you as my 
inspiration. 

Betty — But, suppose I did fail in my stage career? 
I would never have the courage to come back to home— 
or old friends. 

Harvey — (meaningly) Would you have to come 
back to them? I shall ever be ready in sunshine or storm 
to fly to you if — 

Betty — (quickly) Did you say you would like to 
hear that new dance piece ? It is a good time now, while 
the family are out. (Moves to piano, seats herself, be- 
gins playing soft strain. Odd noise is heard jv^t outside 
ivindoiv. Harvey looks nervously over shoulder, but say^ 
nothing. Ente^ Leonard stealthily, through window, 
IV ell disguised as professional ruffian. He points re- 
volver at once at Harvey.) 

Harvey — (trembling) Bet-ty — ^lo-o-ok! 



What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 19 

Betty^( to/izrZs on stool, gasps, but rises to emer- 
gencij.) Well, sir, what do you want here? The gard- 
ener and maid are near at hand. I advise you to leave at 
once. 

Burglar — {in muffled voice) I have no fears, as 
this Old Reliable is well loaded. But I've got to have 
money, a big hunk, too. No work, nothing fair in this 
world. So I'm goin' to kidnap one or t'other of you and 
hold you for ransom, being as your families are both too 
rich to suit my kind. You an' the gentleman can fix the 
choice to suit yerself . 

Betty — {in shrill voice) Jean! 

Burglar — No need of that, mum. But a maid, more 
or less, won't do no harm, as my 'complices will help me 
out, if needs be. 

Jean — {entering door-rear) Did you call, Miss 
Betty? {Stares at burglar.) Merciful heavens! Who 
be we entertaining next? 

Burglar — Have no fears, mum. I do not intend 
murder. I just want one or the other of these young 
folks to hold for ransom. I've left the choice to them. 

Jean — {promptly) Then there ain't no use of your 
delaying with us long. Of course the brave gentleman 
would never let a lady take the risk in place of himself. 

Burglar — {advancing, revolver pointed) All right, 
then. Come, my man. It will cost your family much 
more than you are really worth to get you back — but a 
poor man has to eat and live, too, you know. 

Harvey — {retreating back of chair) Oh, say, I 
can't go! You see, I have a weak heart, and the shock 
might kill me. {To Betty, pleadingly) They would treat 
a lady more gently, Betty. You wouldn't mind awfully^ 
if— if— 

Betty — (scathingly) I should hardly enjoy it. But 
if it is the only alternative — my heart is strong enough. 

Harvey — {relieved) You are the bravest girl I 
ever saw! {Aside.) We will follow at once with at 



20 W hat CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 

posse. It wont be long. 

Burglar — None of that, now. I intend gagging you 
and that maid before I go. (Takes out bands and gags.) 

Harvey — {backing off) Don't! I won't give an 
alarm. I will be as quiet as a mouse. My heart would 
never stand it. 

(Auto honk heard outside, burglar and Ha/rvey lis- 
ten; Betty and Jean smile their' relief .) 

Burglar — Well, there go my well-laid plans ! But I 
will surely kidnap someone before the evening is over — 
the very one I want! {Moves toward window quickly; 
turns.) As for you, young man, I advise you not to try 
to protect young women, even in their own homes, with 
that weak heart of yours. Better take a policeman along 
when you go calling. {Slips softly out of ivindow.) 

Betty — {springing to phone) We must phone the 
police at once. 

Jean — {aside) And a pretty useless chase they'd 
have, finding the kidnaper. {To Betty.) Don't, my brave 
lamb. You are worn out enough. I'll tell Abner to at- 
tend to the matter at once. 

Betty — {leaning back wearily in chair, sighs) I am 
a little nervous. I will leave it to you, Jean, only hurry. 
{Exit Jean, door-rear, bowing. Betty turns to Harvey; 
speaks scathingly.) So this is a sample of your wonder- 
ful bravery! A fine support you would be in time of 
trouble or storm. I am glad I have found out the utter 
nonsense of your morning vista theory before making a 
fatal step. 

Harvey — {beseechingly) Oh, Betty, do not break 
my heart with such speeches. I was not quite myself. 
My heart is really a little weak. I— I — feel wretched. 

Betty — {coldly) Well, I will never overtax your 
strength with any of my affairs. Wouldn't you like to go 
to your room for a rest, Mr. Pendleton? I will send Ab- 
ner to you as soon as he finishes his errand. You might 
need a physician after undergoing such a fright. 



What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 21 

KARVEY—idramaticalUj) You are as thoughtful as 
—as you are cruel. But let us hope that tomorrow will 
give you more leniency. I think I will go to my room 
for a while, but I do not need the doctor. I will fight 
the trouble out alone. 

Betty— I will send Abner up. Mother does not like 
to have her guests neglected. (Exit door-rear.) 
{Harvey reels out door-right, at same time.) 
{Professor's laugh heard outside door-rear. Enters 
at once, Aunt Sally preceding him. Both wear auto 
coats.) 

Frof.— {throwing off coat, crosses to Aunt Sally to 
help her take off coat solicitously; talks as he pushes out 
a rocker toward her) How fortunate that my hosts had 
to stop on that errand, for now I can tell you what I have 
been longing to say ever since our first delightful walk 
among the birds. 

Aunt — {with surprising coquetry) Oh, some new 
and interesting fact about birds. Professor? I simply 
can't hear enough of them. 

Prof. — (taking chair very near her) My thought is 
more selfish than that. I never thought I would learn 
the fascinating secret of loving; but I find I can not go 
back to my old life with any heart at all, unless you prom- 
ise me to accompany me — my dear little Bird Lady. 
Won't you promise to marry me without delay? 

Aunt — But, Professor Pendleton! We have known 
each other only twenty-four hours! 

Prof. — Twenty-four centuries is a better count, I 
am sure. Our interests lie in exactly the same direction. 
You meet my every need and longing. Think of the happy 
hours we could spend together in the study of bird land I 
(Gravely.) I would be miserable forever without you. 
Can't you possibly learn to love me? 

Aunt — I — I am afraid — I wouldn't have to learn. 

Prof. — {taking both her hands, kisses her solemnly 
on forehead) My dear Bird Lady, I am happy past all 



22 What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 

deserts. (Rises and takes up bird book from table.) We 
will write a fanciful little book together and try to be as 
clever as this brilliant anonymous author. I only wish 
we could discover the real name. 

Aunt — (modestly) Would you really like to know, 
very much? 

Prof. — The worst in the world! 

Aunt — I wrote it. 

Prof. — (crossing quickly to her side, clasps her 
hands in his delightedly) I might have known it. No 
wonder I felt oddly attached to it. All the way through, 
it suggested you. 

(Enter Jean, door-right.) 

Jean — Excuse me. Miss Sally, but there's a parcel of 
giggling ladies out front, who say they've just got to see 
the Professor once more. What shall I do with them ? 

Aunt — Why, bring them in, of course, Jean. 
(Coyly, to Prof.) No one can really blame them for such 
-a wish. 

Prof. — (wiping forehead with handkerchief) But 
I wish they would spare me the adoration part. It seems 
so idle to make a hero of a man just because he has 
studied a certain subject carefully. (Places hand on her 
shoulder.) It is a wonderful relief to think that I shall 
have a little helpmate to carry me through these situa- 
tions for the rest of my life. 

(Clattering of excited voices heard outside door- 
right. Enter Jean, followed by four stylishly-dressed 
ladies; also Mr. and Mrs. H.) 

Mrs. H. — (throwing off auto coat) I am so glad we 
arrived just in time. Professor Pendltton, you remem- 
'ber these ladies? They heard your lecture at our club, 
and want to tell you of their appreciation — Mrs. Brown, 
Mrs. Boston, Mrs. Farrell and Mrs. Sinclair. 

Mrs. Sinclair — (bustling across to Prof, with out- 
stretched hand) Oh, Professor, every little feather of 



What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 2 3 

every little bird means so much more to me, now, since I 
heard your wonderful talk. 

Frof,— (calmly) Then I hope, Madam, you will be 
one of the ladies to instigate war against a single feather 
being used for hat trimmings. 

Mrs. Boston— (gtishingly, as she steps up) I will 
surely help, too, Professor. Why, I went right heme 
from your talk and ripped a wing off my hat and gave it 
to my cook! Of course, it can't restore the life of that 
bird— poor, murdered, beautiful darling! But it will set 
a good example. 

Mrs. B,— (confusedly, in her turn) Each little 
bird-twig— I mean, each little bird-twit,— seems full of 
wondrous music to my ears now, since you gave your 
faultless bird-note imitations. 

Brof.— (solemnly) I . fear I hardly merit such 
whole-hearted appreciation, ladies. Our richest human 
notes are but brazen efforts after silver tones. 

Mrs. Farrell— What a wonderful lot of patience it 
must take. Professor Pendleton, for a man to so perfect 
himself in an art. 

Prof. P.— It does require patience to meet some of 
the demands of— of such a pursuit. But any one can 
succeed in a special calling, if he or she only tries hard 
enough. 

Mr. H. — (pushing chairs forward) Do be seated, 
ladies, and you, too, Professor. We must not make a 
formal lecture out of your call. 

Mrs. Farbelv— (Perches on edge of chair, as do 
other ladies) Oh, we cannot trespass on the professor's 
time, but a moment. But we just couldn't rest until we 
had told him how we appreciate the honor of his consid- 
ering our little club at all. 

Mrs. Boston— Professor Pendleton, would you mind 
very much if we autoed over some day and took a snap- 
shot of your home— if you could only be standing in your 
garden among the birds, it would be invaluable ! We are 



24 What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 

making a collection of homes of noted persons for our 
club album. 

Prof. — {good naturedly) Certainly; you are wel« 
come to as many pictures as you desire ; but I do not take 
a very handsome one myself. The garden scene without 
me would be more — flowery. 

Mrs. Brown — (coyly) How cleverly you do put 
things, Professor Pendleton! But we want your picture. 
If you could autograph it, or draw a sketch of a little 
bird on one corner — 

Prof. — (laughing) I am sorry, madam, but sketch- 
ing does not always go with lecturing. I am afraid you 
would not know whether my attempt indicated a wren. 
or a hawk. 

Mrs. Brown — (As ladies all laugh) Well, we will 
hope for at least your autograph. 

Prof. — Oh, certainly, certainly, if you will give me 
a long enough picture to get it all on. (Turns suddenly 
to Aunt S.) If you want a really famous name, how- 
ever, you should ask Miss Sally Hastings to write hers, 
instead. Mine is known only conservatively. Her book 
is read and loved from coast to coast. 

Ladies — (in chorus) Her book! Miss Sally Hast- 
ings a writer! 

Prof. — (holding up bird book) Yes, she is the 
author of this most delightful and authentic story, "Run- 
away Birds." 

Betty — (who has just entered in time to hear last 
few words, door-right) Oh, Professor, you are sadly 
mistaken. Aunt Sally just putters around among birds, 
for her own amusement. (Turns to Aunt S,) You are 
not the author, are you. Aunt Sally? 

Aunt — (confusedly) I did not mean to tell, but, 
since you ask so directly, Betty, I am — afraid I am. 

Mrs. H. — ^Why, Sally, can it be possible? And you 
let me give you that book on your birthday ! Why didn't 
you tell us? 



What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally ? 25 



Avi^T— (quickly) Because I thought you had made 
up your mind I knew little or nothing about birds, and I 
did not want to disturb your comfortable views. 

Mr. H.— My sister an author! Good for you, Sally! 
And, do you know, Fve sometimes wondered about that 
book. It sounded wonderfully like you. 

Mrs. FAmELL— (gushingly, to Aunt S.) I have had 
such wonderful success with my roses this year, Miss 
Hastings, I do wish you would drive over some day and 
get a big bunch of them. 

Mrs. Boston— (follotuing suit quickly) Do you 
know, Miss Sally, I was just wondering yesterday, if you 
wouldn't like to go over to our apple orchard some day? 
It is flooded with lovely birds. I would consider it a 
great honor if I could persuade you. 

Aunt — (laughing) Oh, you could persuade me eas- 
ily enough; and thank you for the offer of roses, Mrs. 
Farrell, but I fear I won't be here long enough to trouble 
either of you with the real carrying out of your invita- 
tions. 

Mr. H. — So — another secret on the way! Are you 
going to gather material for a new book, Sally? 

A.VNT~ (laughing) If I ever write it, I shall not 
trust Professor Pendleton with the authorship. 

Mrs. H. — Weil, let's celebrate this good news with a 
cup of tea in the dining room. Will you all come? (She 
glances toivard ladies and professor; thay move sloivly 
toioard door-right.) 

Mrs. Farrell — (7iear door) Oh, Professor, we can 
not thank you enough for filling our whole lives with 
new birds. 

Prof. — (laughing) I did not bring any birds to re- 
lease, madam. It is just that you have awakened inter- 
est. 

Mrs. Boston— (^0 Aunt S.) And will you write 
your name in my note book, Miss Hastings? Such an 
honor! I never read such a delightful book! 



26 What CAN We Do With Aunt Salhj? 



Aunt — (touch of mystery in tone) Some day I 
will, if you really want it — that is, if I can learn to spell 
it correctly. 

Mrs. Boston — (gushingly) Oh, Miss Sally, how 
cleverly you put things ! As if you did not know how ta 
spell your own name I 

(Exeunt all but Betty, door-right. Enter, door- 
rear, Leonard, on tiptoe.) 

Leonard — Great Scott, Betty, have I found you at 
last ! This is the tv/entieth time I have come to try to get 
a word with you, but you were always flying around with 
that feather-brained nephew. 

Betty — (demurely) One has to be polite to her 
parents' guests. 

Leonard — (anxiously) But you do not really care 
for his type, do you, dear? 

Betty — (with energy) Care for a cowardly, weak- 
hearted bit of tissue-paper like that? 

Leonard — I am more than thankful. Sometimes I 
thought — (looks anxiously toward door-right). Betty, 
come fly with me for a moonlight drive, before that man 
puts in another appearance. I wish you would go with 
me to the minister's at once. I do not want to risk any 
more nephews or the fearful loneliness of the last two 
days. 

Betty — (easily) You lieed not fear Harvey's in- 
truding again. He is almost ill from a — little shock he 
received, and is resting his heart. I will marry you this 
summer, if mother consents. You are the biggest and 
bravest man I ever met. 

Leonard — (springing toward her) Nothing I ever 
heard could give me such joy. (Bends over her just as 
Abner enters, door-rear.) 

Abner — Excuse me from comin', Miss Betty, but is 
your paw about? 

Bbtty — He is in the dining room with our guests,. 
Abn^r. Can't I attend to your trouble? 



What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 27 

Abner — Well, that young sprig above stairs is 
smoking a bucket of cigarettes, and raving about me 
driving him over to the station at once. He says this 
place is too full of burglars and murderers to suit him 
another instant. Shall I do it or shall I not, is what rm 
after tryin' to find out. 

Betty — Why, certainly, take him over, Abner, if he 
desires to desert his uncle in that odd fashion. Father 
would be displeased if we did not try to please our 
guests. 

Abner — All right; and it is a good thing I ain't 
afraid of nothin', as he comes the nearest to being a full- 
fledged lunatic as I've met for a long time. What with 
settin' up at the garage window all night to protect poor 
Jean from his queerness, an' his tryin' to set the house 
a-fire every minute with his stubs, I ain't sayin' but 
what any burglar or murderer is welcome to him, if they 
happen to ask for him on our way to the station. {Exit, 
door -rear.) 

Leonard — Are you going to let the poor man go 
without even a good-bye? My heart strings are begin- 
ning to stretch for him. 

Betty — (coldly) He knows where he can find me, 
but I imagine he is none too anxious to face me again. 

{Voices of ladies heard outside door-right) Good- 
bye, Professor, good-bye. Yes, do come again. We will 
live for next year. {Enter Mr. and Mrs. H., the Prof, 
and Aunt Sally, door-right.) 

Prof. — May I not tell the good news, Sally? 

Mrs. H. — (involuntarily) Sally \ (Laughs.) One 
gets acquainted quickly in bird-land, is it not so. Pro- 
fessor? 

Aunt — ^Yes, tell them, Alfred, dear. (Turning to 
family.) You see, I overheard a little conversation, 
which indicated that you did not know what to do with 
me in my queer clothes and odd questions, while the 
Professor was here. But he, himself, found a solution. 



28 What CAN We Do With Aunt Sally? 

Prof — {Takes Aunt Sally's hand, bows solemnly) I 
have, indeed ! This wondrous little woman has consented 
to become my wife. If you will consent to a wedding 
here, we could start on our honeymoon journey tomor- 
row, from this beautiful place. 

Mr. H. — Well, well, you are a sly little sister, to 
keep so many secrets from your own brother. But he 
will forgive and rejoice in your happiness. 

Mrs. H. — A wedding, tomorrow — here. How love- 
ly and romantic! 

Leonard — Oh, Aunt Sally, you have beat us to it. 
Betty and I were planning on a wedding soon, all our 
own. 

Aunt — (laughing) Just wait until Alfred and I are 
back from our trip and we will come right out to take 
part. 

Jean — {enters door-rear; turris to Mrs. H.; speaks) 
Excuse me, but there's two more ladies heading up the 
walk — ^to see that professor-man. I guess. Shall I let 
them in this late? 

Mrs. H. — {turning to Prof.) You must not overtax 
your strength, Professor, with any more demands to- 
night. Perhaps you and Sally would like to go into the 
conservatory, while I meet the callers and excuse you. 

'P^OY.— {hoiving) You are very thoughtful, madam. 
We would indeed. {Offers Au7it S. his arm. Exeunt Prof, 
and Sally, door-right) 

Mrs. H. — {to Jean) You have been with us so long, 
Jean, that you will be interested to knov/ that Miss Hast- 
ings weds the Professor tomorrow, in this home. 

Jean— (daie-fO Now, ain't that splendid news? 
(Apologeticalhj) And if it air/c tco forward in me to 
say, I know just how she feel?, for Abner and I have de- 
cided for sure to marry soon. We can stay right on here 
summer and winter, and watch after things, when you 
all are away. 

Mrs. H.— That is very fine news, Jean. You have 



What CAN We Do With AvMt Sally? 29 

made a sensible choice. Abner is a good man. 

Jean — Yes, ma'am, the bravest, goodest man I ever 
met, or want to meet! {Doorbell heard off stage. Jean 
goes out door-right. Mrs. H. srtiiles at Betty and Len, 
who have crossed to piano.) 

Mrs. H. — The Professor seems to have brought a 
love-fever as well as bird information. Did you hear 
Jean tell about her engagement to Abner? 

Betty and Len. — Really engaged? How fine! We 
were so busy planning our own bungalow that we did not 
hear her. 

{Enter Aunt S. with Prof., door-rear.) 

Aunt — (to Mrs. H.) Alfred is so generous. He 
hated to disappoint the ladies, so decided to return. 

Prof. — (looking around room) Why, where is 
Harvey? I have not seen him for quite a while. 

Betty — (quickly) He did not feel just well, so de- 
cided to take the last train into town tonight. Abner is 
driving him to the station now. 

Prof. — (troubled) Not well? I supposed he was in 
the prime of health. (Laughing.) But, if it wasn't that 
it would be something else. That boy never stays put a 
minute. (Turns to Aunt S.) But that will do away with 
any third person on our wedding journey, Sally, and 
make it complete. 

(Enter Jean, door-right, followed by two handsome- 
ly-dressed ladies. They smile at the Hastings, quickly.) 

Ladies — Good evening, Mrs. Hastings. Pardon the 
informality of our late call, but we just had to come. 
Good evening, Betty and Len. 

1st Lady — (rushing over to Prof,) We simply 
couldn't sleep. Professor, until we had told you how much 
your wonderful lecture meant to our club. It opened 
such rare and unusual vistas. 

2nd Lady — Oh, Professor Pendleton, you ought to 
be the very happiest man in the world to have such a 



30 What CAN We Do With Aimi Sally? 

store of knowledge at your command. Every little bird 
ilight means so much more to me now — now — that — 

Prof.: — {hurriedly) You give me far too much 
credit for what thousands of others know as well or bet- 
ter, ladies, but I thank you. {Glancing toward Aunt 
Sally, who is watching smilingly.) And you are right — 
I ought to be and am the happiest man in all this world ! 

Leonard — {seizing Betty impulsively by hatid) And 
so am I ! 

Abner — {appearing suddenly in door-rear, hat in 
one hand, the other arm about Jean's waist.) And, beg- 
^in' your pardon for intruding to give a message to you 
alls, so am I — ^the happiest yet ! 



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SURE POP AND THE SAFETY 

FIRST SCOUTS 

is going to be a splendid help in all 
''Safety First*' Campaigns and can be 
given by children in the school-room 
or elsewhere. Price 25 cents. 

FOWL DEEDS 

A roaring black-face comedy, suitable 
for minstrels or short play on any 
program. Price 35 cents. 

COMMUNITY PLAYS FOR 

VARIOUS DAYS 

is a great help in developing the 
many phases of community life and 
spirit. A mighty helpful book for all 
civic work. Price 50 cents. 

SPECIAL PLAYS FOR 

SPECIAL DAYS 

This is another splendid book for 
every teacher. These short plays are 
enjoyable, either for school-room use 
or for exhibition purposes. A play 
for every special day. Price 50 cents. 



ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE 

FRANKLIN, OHIO, also 944 S. Logu, DENVER, COLO. 



■ Some Bright New 

Christmas Material 



First Aid to Santa 

By Ethel Sexton. A mighty bright playlet for 3 boys, 
2 girls and 10 acting dolls (girls and boys). Plays 30 
or 40 minutes. Price, 25c. 

The Christinas Chain 

By Lillian Pearson. A pretty sketch for 14 or more 
children. The Christmas Angel shows her complete 
Christmas Chain to two selfish sisters with happy re- 
sults. Plays about 20 minutes. Price 25c. 

How the Christmas Song Was Found 

3y Lillian Pearson. A simple, but beautiful sketch 
for any number of children, 12 required. Shows the 
real spirit of Christmas and tells how the glad 
Christmas song was found. Time, 20 to 30 minutes. 
For day schools or church entertainments. Price 25c. 

Mr. Richey Changes His Mind 

By Lee Owen Snook. Story of a crabbed, wealthy 
employer and how at Christmas time the memory of 
his mother changed his attitude toward his employes 
from that of a "driver" to a considerate comrade. An 
unexpected romance develops. 4 males, 4 females, 
and others, either high school or adults. Plays about 
20 minutes. Price, 25c. 

The Little Stranger 

A moving picture Christmas play, l.y Eldna Randolph 
Worrell. This is really a pantomime, the different 
scenes being either announced or show ' en screen by 
stereopticon. 4 scenes "The Night Defore Christ- 
mais Home of Orphan Children," "The Litl.'e Stran- 
ger at the Door," "The Little Stranger Entertains," 
"Christmas Morning." A pretty entertainment for 
any number of children. Plays about 30 minutes. 25c. 

Ten Good Christmas Pantomimes 

By Ethel Eldridge. A collection that will add novelty 
and effectiveness to your program. Specific direc- 
tions for pantomiming some well-known hymns, songs 
and recitations— -"Silent Night," ."Little Town of 
Bethlehem," "When Good Old Kris Comes 'Round," 
"Favorite Carols," etc. Contains the music also. 40c. 

Eldridge Entertainment House 

FRANKLIN, OHIO also DENVER, COLO. 

944 S. Lo^an St. 



LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS Vm 

--- — ■■ b"'--^ 




Miss Nibbs* Novelty Shop 

By Alta Becker. This is a novel and humorous en- 
tertainment, introducinsr 'Liza Ann, Miss Nibbs, two 
travelingr salesmen, shoppers, mechanical dolls and 
mechancal maid of all work. A good little stunt where 
a short, clean, humorous number is desired. Plays 
about 30 minutes. Price, 25c. 

The Brightville Indoor Chautauqua 

By Bessie Baker and Nellie Hamna. Here is a brand 
new idea for an evening's entertainment. It is in 5 
parts, each part representing a day at Chautauqua. 
Gives wide scope for introduction of large cast and 
many specialties. Complete programs suggested as 
follows: Part 1, Chautauqua Concert Company; Part 
2, Living Pictures; Part 3, Musical Entertainers; 
Part 4, Farmers' Night; Part S, Coonville Jubilee 
Singers. Price, 35c. 

Sorepaw & Fells Indoor Circus 

By Margaret S. Bridge and Margaret H. Hahn. The 
Grand Annex and Musee, Freaks, Curiosities and 
Monstrosities, never were in it with the marvelous, 
amazing, mystifying array outlined in its pages. Ar- 
tistic, ambling, agile, 'andsome acrobats; cajoling, 
cadaverous, costly, curious, .running clowns; Hee- 
Shee, the Monkey Girl of Yucatan; all of these and 
many others will be seen in the Big Peerade before 
the show starts, ladies and gentlemen. Keep to the 
right — don't crowd. Price, 25c. 



As Ye Sew 



A "talking doll" missionary play by Dorothy Crich- 
ton. A lot of fun and some wholesome lessons are 
contained in the conversation of the dolls who dis- 
cuss the motives of their donors. Splendid for Young 
People's or Missionary Societies. 10 girls, 1 boy, or 
all girls. Time, 20 minutes. Price, 15c. 



Finding the Key 



A dialog and drill for 10 or 12 girjs and boys. Suit- 
able for any religious program, but especially for 
Easter. Time, 20 minutes. Deals with problems of 
youth, recreations, etc.; also with those of Commun- 
ity Life and the present spirit of Unrest. Interspersed 
with suggested songs. Drill very effective. 25c. 



Eldridge Entertainment House 



FRANKLIN, OHIO 



also 



DENVER, COLO. 
944 S. Logan St. 



Mmey-Makii^ EntertaJBmeni noveities 
for Church, School or Lodge 



